I realize that so far I haven't posted many real life diary entries.
I've been mostly bantering around, describing all my miserableness & low down feelings.. Can't really help it, when you don't seem to find any substance in your life anymore. Cause although I have come to terms with my being gay forever after, I don't know what next!
For any hetero-sexual in India, life has been well defined-
You grow up, study hard, pass exams, arm yourself with educational degrees, get a job, search a wife/husband, settle down, get a decent house, create respect for your family in society, procreate, bring up children, get them married off & then retire.
Very well defined.
For a homosexual, it's like being the 1st batch student of a newly introduced syllabus for a board exam and there aren't any reference papers or question banks from the previous years!
No wonder I was always so lost. In fact, I am even today!
Cause although I know what I am & what I want and how exactly to go achieving it...
By far, the greatest question is-
When do I decide that I wanna come out?
How do I say it to my parents?
Do I declare it to the world?
Do I change my nationality? and go reside in some nation which allows my kinda people to exist peacefully, by the way, does such a place even exist?
Or simpler still..
Do I fuck it all and simply die...!
the last option though I have decided not to even think about... is nevertheless most tempting!
I've been mostly bantering around, describing all my miserableness & low down feelings.. Can't really help it, when you don't seem to find any substance in your life anymore. Cause although I have come to terms with my being gay forever after, I don't know what next!
For any hetero-sexual in India, life has been well defined-
You grow up, study hard, pass exams, arm yourself with educational degrees, get a job, search a wife/husband, settle down, get a decent house, create respect for your family in society, procreate, bring up children, get them married off & then retire.
Very well defined.
For a homosexual, it's like being the 1st batch student of a newly introduced syllabus for a board exam and there aren't any reference papers or question banks from the previous years!
No wonder I was always so lost. In fact, I am even today!
Cause although I know what I am & what I want and how exactly to go achieving it...
By far, the greatest question is-
When do I decide that I wanna come out?
How do I say it to my parents?
Do I declare it to the world?
Do I change my nationality? and go reside in some nation which allows my kinda people to exist peacefully, by the way, does such a place even exist?
Or simpler still..
Do I fuck it all and simply die...!
the last option though I have decided not to even think about... is nevertheless most tempting!
on the contrary i think this is one good thing about being a homosexual..you don't live by a set of defined rules, but you still grow up, have a job, wants to be successful and respected in the society. And at the end of the day its upto the individual and priorities. Someone who is straight may still not want to have all of those things.
ReplyDeleteyes I agree to an extent, it is true
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