My resolve needs fuelling

It's been quite sometime since I visited my space, doesn't mean I have stopped exploring the gay realms. I haven't exactly been busy either. It's just that, the feeling of hopelessness seems to be overriding me, all the time when I think of the future. My talking to no one about all this I guess adds to the cynicism.

I met some one recently who has a lot in common with me, she said so herself! Unfortunately she is straight and that's where it all ends I guess. All the same that doesn't imply that I can't enjoy a little chat with her and be happy about it atleast for a while!

So here's one of my rambles with her. It all began with her haircut as she wanted me to describe it in a word, so off I went, shooting my mouth. The word I gave her is 'Venust' and that's the word I shall use instead of her true name.

Venust: logged in just for u...

  ;)

11:47 AM oh venust is it?

 me: thank you, I appreciate that

  Yes Venust it is

  so..?

 Venust: overwhelming!!

  and

  blush blush blush

  ;)

 me: Yeah I can see that

11:48 AM Venust: he he..

  i love the choice of word!

  eng litt influence huh?

 me: maybe a little

  I don't know whether this is the proper etiquette but dan said so too

11:49 AM Venust: what did dan say?

 me: That it looked good on you

 Venust: the hair cut or the word?

  :p

 me: the haircut,  words to that effect

 Venust: he he...

  she too is generous with the compliment!

11:50 AM like friends!

  :)

  but on a deeper note the word is a combination of love and beauty..

11:51 AM u know the goddess of love...

  Venus.

 me: Yes I do

 Venust: there was phae when i dvelved in greek mythology like none other..

 me: OMG

 Venust: it still fascinates me..

  dont tell me..

  u too..?

 me: I did too

11:52 AM Venust: where were u all this years?

  he he..

  gosh! that sounds cheesy..

 me: right from Kronos to a little beyond hercules and archimdes

 Venust: well, u knw what i meant..

 me: Nope I like the sound of that

 Venust: ;)

  yeah...

 me: :)

 Venust: for that matter..

11:53 AM i did a little comparative study with roman mythology too..

  cos they are parallel u know..

  have too..

  all this was out of academics of course

11:54 AM me: hmm .. I haven't delved much into roman mythology but yeah they are parallel in certain ways..

  I mainly did it outta curiosity

 Venust: me too...

  talk about two little "curious cats"

11:56 AM me: LOLz

 Venust: yeah...

  :D

 me: I hope I am not keeping you from your work

 Venust: nah..

  m getting back to it..

  cos m in midst of it..

  the article i mean...

11:57 AM me: hmm..
that's good then

 Venust: will buzz u once i take a breather again...

  so long from the venust!

  ;)

11:58 AM me: Sure why not.. at your service ma'am..

 Venust: aaaw!

  such a courteous statement..

  sadly now its only restricted to hospitality industry!

11:59 AM me: hmm.. c'est vrai


Writing this itself cheered me up. I might try a few feeble attempts at writing a new blogpost soon! 

What have I decided, what have I put myself into...

My last post ended with a 'yes I have decided' note, so what have I decided?
urrmm.. a lot many things, that's generally the way we do things, we have a lot of ideas and brainstorming takes place, then starts the process of elimination and finally one is able to look at one's decisions.

There are plans definitely, ideas... crazy ideas that need to be sorted, over a large period of time I have denied myself for what I am, and so I have not evolved at all in that sense. I have just grown in age and physique, and it's not even that great!

Cutting short the beating around the bush, I have decided that, I need to look closer at myself and try understanding my need, also start shaping up for the future, this blog, my inadvertent haircut and such other things are only pointers to the change that I wish to bring in myself.

Sometimes, however, I fear it all, like after my last post a few things happened to me, I had a kind of in the dumps day as I lost my favorite firki, spilled water on myself, wasn't able to click a simple picture of a butterfly(which I generally manage to do with some patience), stubbed my toes, hit my hand accidentally against things. If I were a believer of such things as omens, I would have had backed off this entire idea of evolving myself, it's almost as if these omens mean that I should not go ahead!

Then again I have denied myself too long, I want to live, breathe, think, speak, exclaim freely, like all other humans around me do about their desires, feelings, fears, sorrows and joys.

Too long I have been too careful, too cautious, it's killing me on the inside, to think twice before I speak, act and overall live life.

This shall be my last whining post, here on I shall post about my life. The life of Anwesha (I chose this name cause it means- 'an explorer' in sanskrit and presently that is what I am! ofcourse it isn't my true name) the explorer is off now and the quest is defined!

So what do you think, will the explorer accomplish her quest?