Love is...

Love is not something that can be lost and found,
Love is not the ever changing favourite tracks of sound,
Love is not a spectre to conjure,
Love is not something to be unsure..
Love is not a feeling, because feelings come and go,
Love is a decision, that you keep once you know.

A parable? A search.. a journey..

It takes a rope to draw from a well,
But from an undug well,
It takes more.

Knowledge has its price,
But its value is knowing whether its worth it.

Many burdens can be carried in a lifetime..
Yet lifetimes may last only as long as the beares wishes life.

Fickle as may seem a parable unknown,
But the depth of its meaning often opposes its fickleness.

A search often takes you far from the known,
Yet at the known is where you must arrive..
What matters then is that whether the journey was worth it.

Journey one must, for even the most stagnant trees grow in depth and height..
But what you do when you meet with other roots and branches,
Decides whether your journey was worth arriving at the end of your destinations.

Emptiness

Like looking down a great dark abyss
spiralling in grief without purchase
being conscious yet not in control
what we hold & what must we let go..

Grip is not without grit
grit can't emerge within hollows
vast spaces of nothingness
can't bear the passions of living

fear, love, grit, stress...
can not exist in emptiness.

Keep going...

It feels like I'm out of a deep comatose state of mind.
I don't really remember the last time I felt anything like myself.
I'm writing not just to kill that long cold silence in me, but to
fight that dead state of mind. To thaw out the freeze of 'me'.

I remember 'me' tip-toeing in a park to make the perfect photo of a
butterfly. A 'me' doing push ups after returning from office to stay
tough. A 'me' baking a cake for my grand ma's birthday... A 'me'
ordering an extra large birthday surprise cake to be directly sent to
my dad.. that's the last special thing I could share with him.

Always wanted him to be proud of me. Praise came more spairingly from
him than summers in the antartic.
So many plans, hopes of getting to spend time.. maybe after his
retirement.. and now he has fore-gone retirement for more permanent
resting plans.
They say that you can't defeat a man who won't give up.. My dad was
that, so was my grandad.. Fuckin stubborn, lived by their own
rules..No regrets and no bloody care for social masks.
Been wanting to do that myself.

For now, I'm glad to just realise that I'm breathing still.. and
knowing that no amount of toughness of mind or body can prepare you
for life.
One thing though I must absolutely learn to preserve..
The desire to keep going.