I wanna write..

Among the many things that I have been told to follow as a rule to help discipline my life, I find that to date many have been disregarded absolutely and sacrificed on the altar of modernity while, such which could not have been done away with completely have been modified to suit convienience after having been declared as obsolete.


I find myself thus under substantial conflict whether I should therefore, proceed to follow on or, upturn all civilities inorder to establish my own little niche.


Over the past many months I have allowed my blogspace to suffer in the absolute absence of any going ons in its author's life, but I intend in the near future to abstain from any more of such practices. 


To redeem myself from the ongoing conflict, I shall presently be making a few important announcements. 
It brings me great pleasure to declare that in the near past I have achieved (by the grace of god and the efforts of many around me) circumstances that will definitely provide any individual of my standing, much to rejoice about.

• I have started my journey in the field of publishing, at present I write for the business-to-business publication industry. It has taken me some time and a lot of patience, along with a great number of blessings and goodwill I am sure, to have reached my current position. (I'm told that it is quite difficult for freshers to be allowed a position in business writing, let alone editing.)
  
  
• I passed my second semester of MA in Mass communication and journalism with distinction (81% in the first sem and 83% in the second sem to be precise). I still ask my mum to take a week off during my exams, tagging along with her to the exam hall. She awaits my return after the exam in the waiting room  at the exam hall. Am worrying bout the next sem. I have turned in my assignments with some difficulty, the studying is yet to begin.
  
  
• I have learnt to express myself, finally! This achievement which may sound like the least of things is nevertheless most important to me. My expressions will now dictate the terms of my life, or rather help me live life on my own terms. It feels really good.. I have finally come out to two of my family members, my sis and my mum, in that order precisely. More about that in my next post.
  

P.S. I've so far been elusive, superstitious even.
        I wanna live now, spread the horizons a nick wider,
         I wanna write now and be like this, be myself forever.

Its been long

My last post was written 8-9 months ago.


I could give myself a thousand excuses as to why I haven't been around my blogspace, and yet I would know that I could have written almost daily. Not like there wasn't anything to say. I just wasn't able to make myself say it. Even now as I realise that I am rambling on, I think to myself, but what were the specific reasons behind my prolonged silence?


It could be any of the following reasons,

1. I accepted my existance and but, I am yet apprehensive somewhere in my mind. (It will take some time being myself!)
2. I joined the media publishing unit at my workplace. The challenges seemed as tall as the Himalayas. (What with the bitchy creatures in my team, I have got used to them now and it doesn't matter any more)
3. Exams! The one strong phenomenon which repeatedly makes me feel like a nervous kid. (Persuing my masters, so far so good. Keeping my fingers crossed, while I worry my head off!)
4. Trying to make time for family responsibilities, while at the same time finding time for myself to meet up with friends. (I've hardly had any alone time lately.
5. I think some one is stalking me on cyberspace (I mean IT!)
6. I was given additional responsibility which meant that I was single handedly churning out two B2B magazines, one monthly and the other bi-monthly. ( It was madness in the beginning, but I got used to this too, by God's grace I must say! I didn't know that I had it in me..) This is the major reason.

Anyways, all said and done. There have been BIG changes in my life lately. The quest has taken many new happy and a few not so happy turns.

Will talk about them soon.

My resolve needs fuelling

It's been quite sometime since I visited my space, doesn't mean I have stopped exploring the gay realms. I haven't exactly been busy either. It's just that, the feeling of hopelessness seems to be overriding me, all the time when I think of the future. My talking to no one about all this I guess adds to the cynicism.

I met some one recently who has a lot in common with me, she said so herself! Unfortunately she is straight and that's where it all ends I guess. All the same that doesn't imply that I can't enjoy a little chat with her and be happy about it atleast for a while!

So here's one of my rambles with her. It all began with her haircut as she wanted me to describe it in a word, so off I went, shooting my mouth. The word I gave her is 'Venust' and that's the word I shall use instead of her true name.

Venust: logged in just for u...

  ;)

11:47 AM oh venust is it?

 me: thank you, I appreciate that

  Yes Venust it is

  so..?

 Venust: overwhelming!!

  and

  blush blush blush

  ;)

 me: Yeah I can see that

11:48 AM Venust: he he..

  i love the choice of word!

  eng litt influence huh?

 me: maybe a little

  I don't know whether this is the proper etiquette but dan said so too

11:49 AM Venust: what did dan say?

 me: That it looked good on you

 Venust: the hair cut or the word?

  :p

 me: the haircut,  words to that effect

 Venust: he he...

  she too is generous with the compliment!

11:50 AM like friends!

  :)

  but on a deeper note the word is a combination of love and beauty..

11:51 AM u know the goddess of love...

  Venus.

 me: Yes I do

 Venust: there was phae when i dvelved in greek mythology like none other..

 me: OMG

 Venust: it still fascinates me..

  dont tell me..

  u too..?

 me: I did too

11:52 AM Venust: where were u all this years?

  he he..

  gosh! that sounds cheesy..

 me: right from Kronos to a little beyond hercules and archimdes

 Venust: well, u knw what i meant..

 me: Nope I like the sound of that

 Venust: ;)

  yeah...

 me: :)

 Venust: for that matter..

11:53 AM i did a little comparative study with roman mythology too..

  cos they are parallel u know..

  have too..

  all this was out of academics of course

11:54 AM me: hmm .. I haven't delved much into roman mythology but yeah they are parallel in certain ways..

  I mainly did it outta curiosity

 Venust: me too...

  talk about two little "curious cats"

11:56 AM me: LOLz

 Venust: yeah...

  :D

 me: I hope I am not keeping you from your work

 Venust: nah..

  m getting back to it..

  cos m in midst of it..

  the article i mean...

11:57 AM me: hmm..
that's good then

 Venust: will buzz u once i take a breather again...

  so long from the venust!

  ;)

11:58 AM me: Sure why not.. at your service ma'am..

 Venust: aaaw!

  such a courteous statement..

  sadly now its only restricted to hospitality industry!

11:59 AM me: hmm.. c'est vrai


Writing this itself cheered me up. I might try a few feeble attempts at writing a new blogpost soon! 

Random Rhymes- I wanna run away

I wanna run away, on a rainbow to a place full of bright 
sunshine, where the flowers bloom and it never is twilight!
a place where you just can't define 
and yet everything is align
to the rays of sunlight cutting out of the skies
eclipsed by the clouds' dark ties.


Where the dew seems to linger
a little bit longer
despite the breaking dawn's
might, to send it away from the leaves and lawns.


I wanna swim away to sunny shores lonely
from the human touch, to watch the surf idly
as I sit back in the warm golden sands
and feel it slip through my hands
while I watch the moon take its place
besides the stars and planets from outer space.


I wanna fly away to alcoves in
the snow peaked mountains, for a spin.
Watching the one place on earth that will not be fenced
for security, for defense, for offence or any other pretense.

I wanna be away
from the illusion of control in anyway


-17th Feb. 2011.


I've been busy with nothing lately, everything seems to be hazy, muddled up, a lot of new topics are brought into my conscious, I think of various new topics to post on my blog but never end up writing them.


Am down with a bad cold.. that is the only health related problem that can actually make me freak out.. I don't mind being cut, scratched, burnt, any sort of aches, but Cold.. I mind very much... it kinda chokes me.. I have had this little bronchital thing in my childhood and it hasn't really gone away. Alright, I have bored you enough with illnesses, I actually hate talking about not being well. If ever I am unwell no one ever knows unless I am in a critical life or death situation in which case the poor doctors are trying to set me alright and that is about the only info you will get related to me not being well.


Yeah I hate being weak, I never complain about illnesses and if I am too bad, you simply won't see me cause i will be cooped up in my room and take an off from whatever is up for that day.. so no one has really seen me lying down .. complaining or cribbing about not being well or stuff like that.


So yeah, that's the reason I haven't been around my virtual space for such a long.

Random Rhymes- YOU KNOW YOU WANNA GO...

You know you wanna go,
but what is it that's keepin you?
Is it the longing in the soul
or dreadful fear of what you not know?

Is it something some one said
or just something in your head?
That follows you close at heels,
following- nipping- biting as you feel

you wanna unshackle the hold,
lookout for those things untold.
Run out in a heady rush,
reach for it that spears your thrust.

Leave behind in your follow
all those things old and sallow.
Shout out to them once and for all-
"keep away from me, do not stall...
..for what I need utmost at now
is to say good bye and take my final bow!"

Just another conversation!

14:52:30 me: had lunch?

14:52:47 my big brother: yup

14:53:00 my big brother: fruit plate and lassi

14:53:02 my: big brother and u?

14:53:25 me: I had a stewed cauliflower along with chapatis

14:53:43 me : are you dieting by a long chance

14:53:51 my big brother: nope

14:54:04 my big brother: just 4 short meals a day theory

14:54:34 my big brother : 10,1,4,8

14:55:28 me : and what exactly do you have at each of these particular time periods

14:56:17 my big brother : breakfast, lunch, tea time and dinner

14:56:36 my big brother : nothing much re

14:57:09 my big brother : its random.. fruits, juice, bhaaji poli.... depends

14:58:43 me : hmm.. healthy eating?

14:58:56 me : and you exercise too, don't you?

14:58:59 my big brother  : yup

14:59:24 my big brother : just half n hour

15:01:15 me : so what kind of exercise do you involve yourself into

15:02:08 my big brother : nothing much... some body stretch types and push ups

15:02:24 my big brother : sometimes walk

15:03:11 me : I walk daily atleast 5kms

15:04:05 me : Don't laugh now but I do around 35-40 push ups and 10-15 sit ups

15:04:51 my big brother : 40 push ups?

15:04:56 my big brother : impossible

15:05:02 my big brother : liar

15:05:05 me : I knew you would say that

15:05:32 me : anyways I have started doing them recently and I have realised that my back hurts and so do my thighs

15:05:41 me : and yeah I am not a liar

15:06:14 me : you may not believe it for all you care, but the fact for me does not change

15:06:19 my big brother : you mean 40 in one set
?

15:06:23 me : yes

15:06:30 me : just once in a day

15:06:40 me : right after I come back from office

15:06:52my big brother: that too after office

15:06:55 my big brother : not possible

15:07:01 my big brother:  not at all

15:07:10 my big brother: swapnat ( in your dreams )

15:09:32 me : jau de.. (let it pass)

15:09:48 me : if you don't wanna believe it's ok

15:09:57 me : You can come home sometime

15:10:01 me : I'll challenge you

15:10:26 my big brother : will do that soon

15:10:47 my big brother : I am so eager to see your face after 40 push ups

15:11:12 me : hmm.. it just looks a little flushed and sweaty

15:11:42 my big brother : i thought faint and pale

15:11:45 my big brother: ha

15:13:06 me : (silly boy)

15:13:22 me : I am not as unhealthy as you thin

15:13:28 me : *think

15:13:39 me : so how many can ou do?

15:13:45 my big brother : ahhh... i thought thin

15:14:05 me :  
how many can you manage?
15:14:54 me : ohh.. I have started .. from last week only

15:14:16my big brother: manage my foot

15:14:32 my big brother : from last week only I touched 40

15:15:05 my big brother: that too after 1 month

15:15:15 my big brother: thats y I said not possible

15:15:24 my big brother : I am doing it from last month

15:21:00 me : okay, then get prepared to accept that Girls are stronger

15:21:07 me : or atleast i am

15:21:09 me : 

15:21:37 my big brother : you are a girl? is it? really?

15:21:51 me : huh?

15:22:02 me : what kind of a question is that?

15:22:37 my big brother: girls don't do maraamari, bhai giri, bossing

15:22:41 my big brother : 

15:22:46 me : haan?

15:22:52 me : I think you need to get married

15:23:01 me : you would know girls truly then!

15:23:26 my big brother: ha haha

15:24:22 me : 

Just a conversation

12:07:33 my big brother 

If I may say..... good morning ma'm

12:07:47 me 

good morning, Sir

12:08:11 my big brother 

and... hows life?

12:08:29 me 

you must ask that to life itself!

12:08:40 my big brother 

whose life?

12:09:05 me 

12:11:05 my big brother 

busy icon? u really busy or just pretending

12:11:17 me 

trying

12:11:51 my big brother 

trying for what?

12:12:43 me 

my world is a world of words, they may mean nothing at times and yet they are everything to anyone who can understand

12:13:15 me 

Lets cut out all the pride and deception..

12:13:25 me 

you tell me me, wassup with you?

12:13:43 my big brother 

arrrrgh... chkkar aali mala (You make me feel dizzy)

12:13:5

my big brother you are good content writer

12:14:12 me 

Thank you for the compliment

12:14:27 me 

but I am still stuck with red heads

12:14:54 my big brother 

you can write things that nobody will understand yet feel fascinated about ur writing

12:14:57 my big brother 

hehehehe

12:15:37 my big brother 

then try somewhere else na... Y are u wasting time... urs and there as well

12:15:50 my big brother 

their*

12:17:44 me 

Yes, I do feel that way at times, but most of us Humans share this streak of self depreciation and encouragement is usually a hard to come thing, more expensive than onions!